Spiritual friendship has been described across traditions as a source of guidance and support on the path toward greater understanding. The Gaelic term “anamchara,” meaning “soul-friend,” refers to a confidant with whom a person can share spiritual questions and experiences.
In a Buddhist context, “kalyana-mittata,” or virtuous friendship, describes companions who support one another’s practice through honesty, wisdom and trust. The article cites Buddhist teachings that portray such relationships as a central part of the spiritual life, helping practitioners learn from the example of people committed to compassion and discernment.
A spiritual friend need not be limited to a peer. The article also identifies teachers, faith communities, support groups and Buddhist sanghas as possible sources of encouragement, guidance and challenge. It draws on a list of qualities for a monastic spiritual friend in the Anguttara Nikaya, including being patient in listening, respectful, amiable and able to offer sound counsel.
The value of this companionship, the article argues, lies not in reinforcing someone’s ego but in supporting change. A trusted ally can encourage generosity in place of greed, love in place of hatred, and wisdom in place of ignorance—the three harmful tendencies described in Buddhism as greed, hate and the illusion of separateness.
The discussion also connects spiritual friendship with Ubuntu, an African concept often rendered as “I am because you are.” It presents human connection as a reminder that people are not isolated, and that caring relationships can extend across differences in race and creed. The article is adapted from “By Your Side: How to Find Soulful Allies and Become One to Others,” published by Shambhala in 2024.
Sources: Psychology Today.