Being estranged from a parent can make the holidays difficult, even when ending contact was necessary for personal well-being. The season may bring guilt, sadness about the family relationship, or anxiety about questions from others. It can also stir grief not only for the parent someone has lost, but for the supportive relationship they had hoped to have.
Holiday traditions can add to that distress by emphasizing an idealized picture of family. People may feel pressured to attend gatherings that do not feel safe, or find that celebrations around them bring painful memories to the surface. The guidance in the source article is to acknowledge those feelings and treat yourself with compassion as they pass.
Attending a family event is a choice, not an obligation. Before deciding, consider the emotional cost, what you hope to get from going, and whether attending would mean compromising your boundaries or safety. Skipping a gathering where an estranged parent will be present can be a way to maintain a boundary, rather than simply avoiding a difficult situation.
Planning can help whichever choice you make. If you stay away, arranging an activity can prevent the day from becoming an empty stretch of time that encourages rumination. That might mean starting a new tradition, volunteering, spending time with friends, pursuing a hobby or resting.
For those who attend, the article recommends deciding in advance how long to stay, which topics or behaviors are off-limits, and how to respond if others press for details about the estrangement. It can also help to choose what level of contact feels comfortable, bring someone supportive, take breaks and arrange a clear way to leave if the gathering becomes overwhelming.
Other coping strategies include acknowledging emotions and finding healthy ways to express them, leaning on trusted friends or professional support, and prioritizing self-care before and after the holiday. Limiting social media may help if it intensifies difficult feelings. Journaling about what you are grieving or what you need can also bring clarity; grounding exercises, deep breathing and guided meditation may help when anxiety or distressing memories arise.
The article, adapted from Sharon Martin’s website and drawing on her book “Cutting Ties with Your Parents,” encourages people to give themselves permission to celebrate differently—or not at all. The aim is to choose an approach that feels manageable and supports their well-being.
Sources: Psychology Today.